HOPE and SURVIVAL

Today I took a Sourdough Bread Baking Class.  A few weeks ago, my Google feed heralded new restaurants in Tampa. Gulf Coast Sourdough was one of them.  One of their sandwich choices made my San Francisco taste buds water.  Who wouldn’t love a grilled cheese on turmeric and black pepper with spinach, tomato and red onion?! Discovering their website’s the drop-down button for classes was the real treasure.  Finding your Savory Soul Bread, grabbed my creative heart but Sourdough for Starters was where reality landed.  I paid my $50 dollars and the next $50 for a friend.  I was not doing this alone. Thank you Debbie for stepping up!

The morning of, I got there 30 minutes early, the aftermath of living with my Army Colonel Father for all those years. I had planned to get there and have a leisurely cup of coffee before class. Of course, they were not open, which is why they offer classes at this time. Duh. I decide to just relax and take it all in.

Sitting in my car, my eyes settled on an old industrial size blender in the window.  Imagine an antique Singer sewing machine on steroids. It was fascinating.  The front of the restaurant looked like something you would see in a New York City street scene.  Not that I’ve been to New York City,  but I have watched You’ve Got Mail, a million times.  I took a minute to close my eyes and sense what was going on around me.  Road construction, commanding voices, car exhaust, vans unloading….

So, what the hell does this have to do with divorce? 

This:  Survival.

When you are going through a divorce, you don’t have time to stop and close your eyes, take in what’s happening around you. Those survival years for me; living off adrenaline, job hunting,  flying to Canada for training, moving into my first single living place in 30 years, navigating all the sadness, fear, and being there for my children…. sourdough would have never been in my radar.

When I left my class today, I was overwhelmed with this sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I am in a place that I can relax enough to experience what I did.  There were many years that I could not. I never want to forget what it is like to live in survival mode while I rebuilt my life.  I am proud of the life I rebuilt for myself. Meeting and marrying Bob was just icing on the cake!

Sourdough science is fascinating.  Yeast and bacteria work together until something delicious comes out of the oven.  That’s how divorce is. There is a lot of bacteria, heat, and moments that make us rise. Wherever you are along the way, have HOPE.

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